I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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