I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
