she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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