You're so nebulous sometimes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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