apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
