youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
