Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
