I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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