I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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