She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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