i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize