I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize