her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
