I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
