So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
