After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
