Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
