I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
