I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
