he thought i was a dude.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
