Swine flu. Run for my life!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
