wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
