I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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