ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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