something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
