he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
