how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are the jesus of drinking
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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