Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
