pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
