She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
