doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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