just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
