It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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