it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize