so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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