I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
NoShamevember. You game?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
