So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
