READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
