Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
