When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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