Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
