you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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