Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
