I cockslap morals
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
