i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
