plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
