Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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