whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize