no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
