I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
