I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
