oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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