My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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