Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My penis needs a shock collar
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
