the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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