fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize