If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
