But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
