My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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