just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
