If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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