Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
