there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
