You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
