Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
