Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize