I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I came so hard my ears popped.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
