Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm too high and old for this...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize