Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
