This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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