You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
